like a sweater
we become attached to people, to the memories they give us. this is called friendship; a relationship. you bond like gum, to the sole of a sneaker with another person. you become part of that person, and they you.
like that sweater in your closet; the one that has seen you through break-ups, drunk nights, sickness, and of course health. we change addresses, we evolve in our hairstyles, we stop wearing pants. but we’ve always got that sweater. that sweater we push out of the way the hoodies to get to.
that sweater can be a safety net. it can be an honest answer.
as you get older, as your life evolves so does that of the sweater. the zipper starts to stick. a button falls off on the train tracks. you’ve sewed on new buttons, you’ve replaced the string in the hood. it’s become a patchwork sweater. when you’re younger it’s easier to go back to it. to forgive it for it’s mishaps, and sometimes cruelty.
when you get older you just can’t. sometimes you just can’t. can’t keep it anymore. like a sweater, sometimes we grow out of people. and they grow out of us. sometimes, you just can’t fight the good fight anymore. you realize you just can’t have it around anymore.
you just hope you’re not the first one to say it.
*cough* on “courtship”
“There’s no pussy footing around. Just be an assertive human, and make it known what you want.” -redacted
For one thing there was the distance between us. Secondly, he had a dog and I’d have a cat. Above all, I was an artist and he was a scientist. Wasn’t that like oil and water?
For those of us who knew Mark, we knew beauty.
(via:thelastshepherd)
We sure damn did.
RIP to an inspiration, a true original, a beauty. Love and hugs to all of you out there who knew her, and who were inspired by her.
(Source: diamondmind)
Michigan, everyone knows that you almost had me. But you let me go, and I was smart enough to let you go. I wont be falling for another boy for a long time. Heart on the mend, with a little help from my friends. Jason is the best guys friends I have. <3
on: loving, leaving, friendships and that sort of messy stuff
i’m that kind of person that will wait to speak to you, instead of text you certain things. for instance i always wanted to tell you, “you’re going to hurt me. i’m going to hurt you. that is just how life works, if we’re lucky, we wont hurt each other too bad. if we’re lucky, we’ll look past it.”
when something feels like an end, we tend to think about the things we were saving to speak, instead of text. we tend to think of the laugh that would follow, or the humbled, murmured response. i’ve always believed that people come into your life when they are supposed to. sometimes they come, and go, and come back several times, until they decide to stay, make a cup of coffee and light a cigarette next to you. sometimes we ignore each other because we don’t have the words to make it better. we look at our respective mobiles. notice how their name slowly descends the rank from most recent text, call, voicemail.
sometimes if we’re lucky, we end up back where we once were. safe, comfortable, happy, vulnerable, unashamed, uninhibited. there are many times in life where we don’t end up back there. lovers and friends weave back and forth in our lives, each city, each road-trip, each time we leave our homes. strangers become friends. friends become lovers.
they all will go, at some point. we die. we get sick. we get married. we move to another country. no, it never is easy when you feel like you’ve “lost” someone. you rack your brain for the reason, what did “i” do? maybe its better, some say. maybe it shows us that for that one moment in time, we were worth loving. at one moment we meant something to someone, and in that moment there was no pain, there were no questions.
i sit here with Bukowski, looking at a valentine i made, too early. do i send it? do i dispose it? dismantle? none of the above. i’ll keep it. and if you ever come back, you’ll receive it. it reminds me of our first interaction. it reminds me of when you made me laugh, and it’s just a spoon.
“I thought I understood it, that I could grasp it. But I didn’t, not really. Only the smudgeness of it; the pink-slippered, all containered, semi-precious eagerness of it. I didn’t realize it would sometimes be more than a whole, that the wholeness was a rather luxurious idea. Because it’s the halves that halve you in half. I didn’t know, about the in-between bits; the gory bits of you, and the gory bits of me.”
my dear boy,
one swallow doesn’t make a summer.
The way you see me
“You’re energy is amazing. I’m attracted to you, not like sexually, obviously, but I want to stay out all night and not have our time end when I’m with you.”
“You’re incredibly disarming. In some ways you remind me of Natalie Portman’s character in ‘Closer’. You make people feel comfortable when they are with you, like she does.”
“Your smile. I want to smile when I’m around you.”
“This sounds weird, but you have this aura. This energy that transfers to other people.”
“I feel a childlike sense of wonder when I’m with you.”
“You don’t float into a room like a butterfly and land gracefully. You’ve got gumption, and a little swagger.”
“You have a happy attitude, coupled with getting shit done.”
Tonight I spent 3 hours calling people as part of step 1 of this life coaching thing my friend gave me. I talked to everyone from people who have met me once, to those who have seen my Achilles heel. Pr agents, to internet turned real life friends. I never knew how people viewed me, I never knew I had an impact on how people felt. If I spoke with you tonight, you mean more to me than anything. Thank you so much for lifting the Veil of Maya, thank you for being truly wonderful people. I’m so happy to have you in my life.
whispery post
sometimes when i feel really lonely and think about how 90% of my friends (irl/tumblr) are in relationships (public/private/purely sexual/purely infatuation) or when i think about my friends who are impacting peoples lives/society/making others think outside the box/perusing their dreams and i wonder if i’ve ever made anyone feel anything, i remember this “you know you’re in here, you’re part of this tattoo”. and i think, i may not be anything but a blib on the internet, or an email with a pr agency. but there is one person who i have affected, who will forever be in my life. who that every time they look at that tattoo on their forearm, see a little bit of me.
people talk a lot of shit to look ‘cool’, people choose boyfriends over friends, people post naughty pictures to gain attention and i become jealous of them. people like pictures of me and unlike them and i think oh how horrible looking i must be. but this person i know i can text, ‘skype date, buy smokes and booze” and they are the only person who has seen me bawl my eyes out due to a recent heartbreak. they are one of the few non one-sided frienships i’ve made through tumblr. and one of the most genuine, beautiful, honest people. with all my heart i love this person. thank you.
every once in a blue beautiful moon, you are destined to meet a person that gets you, that understands you… and even if they don’t, they love you regardless.
I know that. and I will squeeze the shit out of her in 5 days.
The first time I spoke with this woman we were on our mobiles for 5 hours. I think that pretty much solidified her ‘big sister’ status. She is truly and honestly one of the most beautiful people I’ve met. In 6 hours I get to pick her up from the airport and we are going to cry.
(Source: viewtoakel)
sometimes you just need a phone call from a famous hip-hop friend to make you feel better.
bedside manner. jason bought me these beautiful flowers yesterday for my birthday.
i’ve got lovely freinds. recieved these lovely gifts:
from ricardo: concert photography and a print out of sims, dessa and myself backstage at first avenue, doomtree blowout.
from jared: a great note, and 2 cd’s full of metal music about dinosaurs. not really.
gents, you’re lovely and i’m still working on your items. forgive me, for my delay.
